No One Is Alone - Into the Woods

People make mistakes.
Fathers,
Mothers,
People make mistakes,
Holding their own,
Thinking they're alone.
Honor their mistakes...
Fight for their mistakes-
Everybody makes-
One another's
Terrible mistakes.
Witches can be right,
Giants can be good.
You decide what's right,
You dedide what's good.

Just remember:
Just remember:

Someone is on your side.
Our side.
Someone else is not.
While we're seeing our side-
Maybe we forgot:
They are not alone.
No one is alone.

Hard to see the light now.
Just don't let it go.
Things will come out tight now.
We can make it so.
Someone is on you side,
No one is alone.

Fancy Smancy Sunday Dinner

I've decided to tackle something HUGE - a stew. Doesn't seem huge, as I have a slow cooker, but it's deffo huge to me. I actually chopped veggies....I'm impressed by my bold behaviour.

Last night my glorious slumber was shattered by the sound of the doorbell and someone pounding at the door - at 3:30 in the morning. I had no death wish, so I ignored it. But it didn't stop for an hour and a half. At 5:00 I threw my duvet aside and went to the door. One of the new guys that moved in was having a friend stay the night and left him in town. The friend was stuck with no where to go - and the new guy wasn't in his room. I, however, didn't know him. He asked to stay on the couch and I said No. I don't think I was out of line - I had no clue who this guy was. I don't even know the new guy who moved in. Not interested in letting a stranger in my home.

So at 5:30 I was able to get back to sleep. Quite irritated. I've decided the whole "Shared House" thing is a royal pain in the bum. I'm not really interested in it. SO - I've upped my "Active" looking.

I'm looking forward to this stew and dumplings tonight. Hopefully it's idiot proof....

And then....

For every terrible time, there has to be something good.

I was in a right mood today. I was very lucky I had two classes and one was assessment of monologues, the other was doing written work for poor behaviour. I was just cranky. Upset over the housing issues.

So Period 5, I'm overseeing my kids doing their writing, looking right cruel, and one of the deputy heads comes in and says "Is today your birthday?" I told her it wasn't. She told me to go to the office - immediately. She watched the class as I headed down - there was a pot of gerber daisy's. The card said "Ger-Ber-Daisies! What a good way to keep smiling!" That was it. I knew it was from Robin, and I couldn't help but smile. I'd say that was the sweetest thing ever.



Amy and I went into town after school - over dinner she seemed sad - so I put on my "I'm psycho" hat. Proceeded to dance around Tesco carpark - almost get hit by a car - dance around the CDs - purchase "The Notebook" and a "Quote Book." So that put me in a pretty good mood.

Upon getting home, I checked my email and had a message from Dean Andrews. I'm working on applying to Cambridge for my masters....don't know if they will accept me, but I'm going to try! His letter was brilliant. He wrote it about ME. I've never seen a letter so personal, discussing things I've said or accomplished that most people don't know about. Things I forgot about. He mentions it all - 2 pages. It was an excellent letter - Cambridge or not, that man is proud of what I've accomplished and thinks highly of me: "It should be clear by now that Jennifer stands out even among our Honors College graduates. She is highly disciplined, academically accomplished, eager for new challenges, in fact a whole person who will bring ambition, stamina, maturity, and the proper values to her graduate work as well as to her continued teaching." I love you, Dean Andrews!

It's true - every cloud has a silver lining. You're going to have shit days. But the good days will make up for it if you believe. And it helps to have a handful of good friends to help you get by.

Hit a Low

I've hit an all time low here in the UK. I just cried my eyes out - and I don't really know why. I'm upset about my current living situation -something really small that blew up into a huge ordeal. It wound me up so much that I couldn't function. All I could do was cry. And the fact that "Fields of Gold" just came on the radio didn't help at all.

It really sucks to be a foreigner. You know it's going to be difficult. But you have no idea just how difficult it is. My grandpa came to America with nothing. That's how I feel. I came with nothing. It wasn't easy for him, and it sure as hell isn't easy for me. At least I speak the language.

When things go wrong, I just want a hug from my brother. Or to sit on the couch with my mom and watch a film to unwind from the day. I can't do that. I have my friends, but I don't have them with me right now. Text messages and phone calls are only good for so much. But when you CAN'T HAVE THEM WITH YOU IN PERSON BECAUSE YOU CAN'T HAVE GUESTS - it's another story.

Something so minute started the ball rolling on a rollercoaster of emotions. Everything going wrong flooded back. Everything working against me came out. Yes - it would be so much easier to be back in the states. Things are easy there. Sometimes, I miss easy. I'm weak tonight. I can't fight it.

WEEKENDS

I love weekends. It's a chance to sleep in. Lounge. Be lazy. I might not have done anything of importance, but it has been worth every minute. Sometimes your mind just needs a few days to chill.

I am working on a powerpoint for my lessons for the next three days. STILL kicked out of my room for exams....and still not happy about it. But I figure it's only going to get worse in the spring when the other exams are on. So dealing with it seems to be the only way to go. I think the powerpoint is a combination between Family Feud, Cranium and Jeopardy. Lovely. And it all pertains to drama. You can't go wrong with that.

I went out to Tesco and spend a ton of money on groceries. Things like flour, sugar, brown sugar....muffin tins.....My theory - at what point to you accept the fact that you are living - and actually do it? True, I'm not going to be here forever - but are we going to be anywhere forever?? I can easily ship things to the next place - it's just a matter of putting it in a box. Quite simple, really. WHY not live? If I want to bake muffins, I'm going to bake muffins.

I have my sights set on a grand prize, as well. Provided my QTS works out as it should. I'm looking at a fantastic masters program, and I have finally started to see some shape to this insane quest I've initiated months and months ago. Only time will tell....

I think the time has come to heat up some soup, pop on a disney film and finish up this ingenious powerpoint. Here's to weekends.

TGIF

It's Friday! AND surprisingly....I am running about 25 minutes ahead of schedule. That never happens in the morning. It's been a week of highs and lows - and I've waiting until I've really calmed down to write about them.

Tuesday I had my first breakdown in the UK. It's not all wellies and double decker buses. As a foreigner, you really have to work for what you want. You must go through ten more steps than everyone else - even though you are working and paying taxes. I know citizens of this country who contribute nothing, yet they have the privileges I cannot obtain without jumping through hoops.

Everything from Driving privileges and licenses, to debit cards to qualifications - more restrictions and more paperwork. Yea - it got to me. Everything all at once just frustrates you. So what do you do ?

You go to bed. You wake up the next day. You give it your all - as you always do. And then you change your perspective. After my PDP meeting on Wednesday I managed to turn my frustration and anger into fuel to accomplish my tasks. Sometimes all you need to do is make a list and tick things off as you go.

So yes - I did get upset and say "That's it. I'm going back home." But after my meeting and after being around my friends and having one of those really good teaching days - I was able to say "Yes, I can do this."

And after 160 some days - if that was the first breakdown - that's pretty impressive.

Today, it's all about the wellies.

Progression

And I don't me "Progressive" the horrid name of the ballpark in Cleveland. Always going to be The Jake to me.

No no -- Progression. I've accepted the fact that life is not easy. Nor will it ever be. I am going to post a story someone very wise once sent to me.

A carrot, an egg, and a cup of coffee

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word. In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl.

Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me what you see." "Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied. Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg. Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, "What does it mean, mother?" Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

"Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff?

Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.

When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling.

Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

May we all be COFFEE.

NOT always a walk in the park...

I feel compelled to write even when I am stressed and irritated. Work is definitely stressing me out at this point, but it's all caused by unnatural things that occur in the teaching world. Sure, the kids are stresssful at times....but piecing a department back together is a nightmare.

My department head was a great guy, but left us in a state. I didn't even know what course of GCSE we were on. Luckily I found a book and used that scheme to base my lessons. The room was a disaster which was cleaned yesterday by two deputy heads - so that's one aspect corrected. The replacement teacher arrived today - which is a whole matter in itself which I will not comment on here. I want us to get organized - so that's something I'm working on pushing.

Oddly enough, every time I had a problem today, the deputy head was the one who happened to be sauntering by - I must look like I have no idea what I'm doing. She happened to be on call when I had an outrageous class which racked up a 55 minute detention through awful behaviour (each tick mark equals five minutes - good behaviour erases a tick mark - they obviously cared....).

Then there's the potential head job -- I look like a crap candidate. And it does slightly upset me that I've done so much without any help and I don't really stand a chance. Running the head's two after school clubs along with my own warrants something, or so I believe.

There's a lot of pressure from tons of different sides. I don't like change. I don't like being pushed to do something. I haven't started the term in the best mood due to this pressure. I might be giving off a negative vibe, but that's because I didn't like the changes being made around school. Some are great - like my new form - I love them as they are sixth form and a great laugh twice a day. But others - I'd rather not be a factor in.

Stress is rising. I need to start going to the gym to calm myself. And to make matters better - two rooms are going to be open at my house. What kind of looney is going to wind up living with me? Can I pray for a McFitty? Please?

A Year in Review (As completed by myself last year)

January
1. Did you have a new year's resolution this year?: To say something nice about someone every day.
2. Who kissed you at midnight?: My family
3. Have you ever been to times square to watch the ball drop?: No - London was way better.

February
1. Who was your valentine in 2007?: My Grandpa -we watched Everybody Loves Raymond and I stayed over because Grandma was in the hospital
2. What did your valentine get you?: Haha. Ice Cream
3. When you were little, did you buy valentines for your whole class?: Oh yes. I still give them out!

March
1. Are you Irish?: Oh yea 50%
2. Do you wear green on St. Patty's Day?: Yes. But I was running errands for the family - no celebration.
3. What did you do for St. Patty's Day in 2007: Ran some errands and felt sorry for myself.

April
1. Do you like the rain?: Not at all.
2. Did you play an April fool's joke on anyone this year? My students. I told them that I was leaving them that day.
3. Do you get tons of candy on easter?: A chocolate bunny at our place in Florida. Mine was in the dryer...as usual!

May
1. What's your favorite kind of flower?: I'm still working on that.
2. Do you like the spring?: Yes. Skirts and NO PANTY HOES
3. 3. What would you think of as a spring color?: Yellow!

June
1. What year did you graduate from school?: 2002 and 2006
2. Did you go on any vacations last June?: I was preparing for a great vacation....

July
1. What did you do on the 4th of July?: Went to the family picnic at Aunt Debbies and then missed fireworks.
2. Went on any vacations during this month?: Nope. Preparing...

August
1. Did you do anything special to end off your summer?: YES - A leaving party. Peace out oHIo - hello UK!
2. What was your favorite summer memory of '07?: Hanging out with the Fire Dept in Orwell.
3. Do you go swimming a lot in the summer?: I still wouldn't go in that pool.
4. Do you go to the beach a lot?: Yes - I went in the water this year. Impressive. And no extra toes....

September
1. Who is your favorite teacher?: Bezzeg
2. Do you like fall better than summer?: I do - I have a job!

October
1. What was your favorite halloween costume? All the way MAY! from a League of their Own
2. What's your favorite candy?: Haribo sweets mmmmm
3. What did you dress up like this year?: Haha - I was Where's Wally

November
1. Whose house do you usually go to for thanksgiving?: Mine.....we had a British Thanksgiving this year at Teanby, Gemma's and Gary's house
2. Do you like stuffing?: Yes.
3. What are you thankful for?: My UK family.

December
1. Have you ever been kissed under mistletoe?: Still a no.
2. What do you want this year for christmas?: Fuzzy bathrobe
3. What's the best present you ever got for Christmas?: I don't know....I love everything I've gotten. Most thoughtful was a jewelry box from Pat - still use it at home
4. Do you like cold weather?: Not a chance....

1) How would you rate your 07(1-10)?: I'd say a 6 - beginning was rubbish, the end - amazing.

2) Where were you when 2007 began? Painesville

3) Who were you with? Mom, Dad, Brian and Ron

4) Where will you be when 2007 ends? In West Lynn - rocking out .

5) Who will you be with when 2007 ends? Henson, Gemma, Teanby, Jane and their families

6) Do you have a new years resolution for 2008? Speak softly.

7) Did you fall in love in 2007? No. I didn't.

8) You regret it? No regrets. You learn something from everything.

9) Did you breakup with anyone in 2007? No.

10) Did you make any new friends in 2007? Yes I did - even met some old ones and had a great friendship with them!

11) Who is your favorite new friend? Nick Srnick!

12) What was your favorite month of 2007? September - I met the UK family and became one of them.

13) How many different places did you travel to in 2007?: Not many. Florida - the UK. Layover in New York

14) Did you lose anybody close to you in 2007? Burgan.

15) Did you miss anyone in the past year? Yes.

16) What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2007? HAHA! Run Fatboy Run!

17) Do you enjoy where you are now? I am so happy right now.

18) What was your proudest moment of 2007? "McNugget - you're one of us now."

19) What was your most embarrassing moment of 2007? I'm always doing stupid things in the UK.....

20) What are your plans for 2008? I'm going to be the best teacher this school has ever seen. I'm going to find the man of my dreams. And I'm going to hold onto him. I'm ready to be a grownup now.

Quiet Ideas

I had a thought during one of my lessons today. One student was being just plain LOUD.

I said, very calmly, "Jack - hushed tones please. You're at a 10, take it to a 5."

"Sorry, miss," he whispered. And then remained somewhat quiet for the rest of class.

Brilliant!

Speak Softly and Carry a Big Stick. I think I will. Although I will replace a stick with a board marker. I usually have to raise my voice to be heard above the din of my classroom...considering chaos is common. Today I told the kids that it was my new years resolution to speak softly. And it's WORKING. They listen more because they can barely hear me - and of course me lessons rule....so they want to do the activities.

YES. Way to be FDR.

New Year, New Perspective

2007 has come to a close and 2008 is here with endless possibilities and plenty of new opportunities on the horizon. I celebrated the chiming of Big Ben in West Lynn with Amy, Gemma and Chris - not to mention Amy and Jane's families. Brilliant. The interesting thing about this year is that I will be spending the whole of 2008 based in the UK. I should be going back to oHIo for a week or so in the summer for holiday, but 2008 is really all about living it up in jolly ol' England.

So what are my plans, you ask? I've never been one for New Years Resolutions - I prefer goals. Goals are solid. You write them down and it becomes something you expect to accomplish. So here is what I expect to accomplish in the year 2008.

1. Learn how to drive....manual....and on the left side of the road.
2. Obtain a UK drivers license. It might mean forfeiting my oHIo license, but I think that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make.
3. Optimism. Being a teacher is stressful work. I think I rock at it. Now I'd like to rock at it and maintain my sanity at the same time.
4. Operation M&M. Enough Said.
5. World Domination. My ultimate goal in life. And no, the Beckhams are NOT beating me - I am far more favorable.

I will update you on the status of these and more goals.

Bring it on, 2008!