Hit a Low

I've hit an all time low here in the UK. I just cried my eyes out - and I don't really know why. I'm upset about my current living situation -something really small that blew up into a huge ordeal. It wound me up so much that I couldn't function. All I could do was cry. And the fact that "Fields of Gold" just came on the radio didn't help at all.

It really sucks to be a foreigner. You know it's going to be difficult. But you have no idea just how difficult it is. My grandpa came to America with nothing. That's how I feel. I came with nothing. It wasn't easy for him, and it sure as hell isn't easy for me. At least I speak the language.

When things go wrong, I just want a hug from my brother. Or to sit on the couch with my mom and watch a film to unwind from the day. I can't do that. I have my friends, but I don't have them with me right now. Text messages and phone calls are only good for so much. But when you CAN'T HAVE THEM WITH YOU IN PERSON BECAUSE YOU CAN'T HAVE GUESTS - it's another story.

Something so minute started the ball rolling on a rollercoaster of emotions. Everything going wrong flooded back. Everything working against me came out. Yes - it would be so much easier to be back in the states. Things are easy there. Sometimes, I miss easy. I'm weak tonight. I can't fight it.